Honesty is the cure.

Disclosure: this is a blog about life. Life being the most important part of, well, life. Living like there is no tomorrow. Doing what ur mind & heart say and not worrying about hurting those around you

There comes a time when you need to do what is right for you!
Take a step back, think with not only your mind but your heart.
What does your mind tell you to do?
What does your heart tell you to do?
Are they saying the same thing? Or are they pulling you in two.
Friendships are hard to maintain. Shit happens. People grow up. People remain immature. People grow apart.

There will always be cliques... but it is up to YOU to make a stand. Be your own person and not the shadow of those around you. Be impartial. Do not care if friend A does not like your friend B. Do not care is Team A does not like Team C. If YOU like friend B and Team C then why does it matter who friend A and Team A like?

I do not fully understand this. I do not get why people flip flop on their choices they have made in life. A choice should be made and you should stick to that choice. Like I stated, friendships are hard. Some need breaks and can come back SLOWLY to become somewhat like they were. Some need breaks and will never go back to "normal" but all parties are willing to try. That is the key though, ALL parties need to be willing. They need to understand that there will be set backs. They need to forgive, but never forget. But never forgetting does not mean letting it boil until it comes to a nasty head and makes things worse that it ever was before.

Honesty is the best policy. Allowing those around you to know the truth, whether it will hurt that other person or not. It is better to come out in the beginning than drag someone around with false hopes and promises. False promises in the long run will do more damage than being honest and ending it all for good.

I wish others had the strength to move on. To be honest with those around them, as well as themselves.

It breaks my heart to see friends torn in two. It breaks my heart knowing the ending and having no control over it. And until then, I will be friends with friend A and B, as well as Team A and Team C. And when this all ends, I will still be friends with them all. But the second I find out that I am being lied to, I will cut EVERYONE out without blinking an eye or shedding a tear. Because, in all honesty, my life and well being will always trump those who cannot be honest no matter what.

Girls: So Naive

Girls.

Why are you so gullible?

Why do you fall for their shit?

Do you honestly think he has changed?

Did you forget the last 5 years and all the shit he has done to you?

The fact he cheated on you for 2 of those years? Whether you think that is true or not.

The fact he has told you OVER and OVER that he does not want to have more kids, nor marry you!

You are so willing to let it all go for him.

Drop everything for him

Yet he has never dropped anything for you in the 5 FUCKING years you have known him.

He denied his own daughter.

I am sorry, but you are stupid for going back.

plain and simple.

The Dark Knight (Review by me)

I know there is a lot of hype over The Dark Knight movie.

About how it is Heath Ledger's last movie before his death.

How this Batman is darker than the previous movies.

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Well, I went and saw it today.

With the mindset that people were playing it up due to Heath Ledger's untimely death.

I loved the previous one, Christian Bale is a breath of fresh air in terms of Batman. Michael Keaton, before Bale, was the only person who pulled off Batman with style and perfection.

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After seeing this movie, The Dark Knight, I have a new favorite.

Heath Ledger stood up to all the hype.

His role in this movie was simply amazing.

Jack Nicholson was a phenomenal Joker, there is no doubt in that.

But Ledger, wow. What he did with this character I have never seen.

The dedication, the precision, the mannerisms. Everything about the character that he played was so amazing I cannot think of a word to describe it.

I think back on the whole movie and I am just completely speechless.

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Some may feel that Heath Ledger's performance was only glorified when he passed away so suddenly.

Some feel he deserved an Oscar even before his death.

To those who do not feel he should receive or be nominated for any awards, to you I say this:

Go and see the movie as if it was just some movie.

Compare Heath Ledger's role as the Joker to that of Jack Nicholson and to Cesar Romero.

And after you have done that, make a decision.

Never has someone played a role so well, in my opinion, as Heath Ledger as the Joker.

Odd Hours by Dean Koontz quote

taken from Odd Hours By Dean Koontz (fourth book in the Odd Thomas Series) page 219 paragraph 1.

"Grief can destroy you--or focus you. You can decided a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. Or you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it. But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing the floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. It was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it. The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by the gratitude for what proceeded the loss. And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life."

I d0n't need you to complete me

Quote from Will & Grace:

When I am feeling like theres no love coming to me
And I have no love to give.
When Im feeling separated from the world...
And cut off from myself...
When Im feeling annoyed by every little thing...

Because Im not getting what I want..

I'll remember that there is an infinite amount of love available to me.
And I'll see it in you.
I'll remember thar I am complete within myself...
So I'll never have to look at you to complete me
And most of all, I'll remember that everything I really need I already have and whetever I don't have will come to me when I am ready to receive it

Undesired heartache.

Everytime I think I am getting use to it, something smacks me in the face and knocks me back to reality. Knocks me back to the depression, back into myself. Back into myself when I fought so hard to get out. People rely on friends, family and some even rely on their God. What do you rely on when you feel alone. When you know you are not alone, but you feel like you are alone. When you do not believe in God. For the God you grew up learning about would never cause so much pain inside someone. Cause so many tears for someone. Cause someones heart to break so often.

I do not speak of losing a boyfirend. I am not talking about a fight with a friend. I talk about what your God has put women on this Earth to do; have children. How can your God cause someone who dedicates their entire life to helping children to not be able to have children? How can your God make that choice. It is not his choice to make, it is mine. I will never believe in your God, you can have him. I do not look at you differently for following or believing in your God, but he is not my God.

My heart breaks more and more. I cannot seem to shake the feeling. To shake the feeling of a complete failure. Yes, there is adoption and other ways, but we cannot just decide to try and have a child. Time and money must be expended. Expended to a cause that is not for sure. Expended to hopes and dreams. While we sit and wait, others don't even try and get the wonders of a child. Unwed women become pregnant when they don't even want them. Teens have children not wanting them. Adults have children not wanting them. How could you not want something so precious, something that is nothing but a gift.

To know their are kids who are not wanted, who are raised in a family who does not want them breaks my heart even more. How could they have the children I want so bad. How is that fare? I get life is not fare, but this is unbearable. I don't know what to do, my chest hurts, my body aches, and my eyes swell shut with tears.

Why?

I am in love.

(in this time in life, you meet people just about anywhere... for me, I have met some awesome people online.)

I don't make friends easily. I push people away when I shouldn't. I have always been like that and I will always be like that. I came across a little community. Well, it is not so little. I watched, lurked and never commented on the board. I was very active on the forums at first, but then decided to venture out. I made a comment. People welcomed me with open arms. They all made me feel so welcome. Yes, there were a few who I did not like from the start, but oh well. As time went on, I got to know a few very well. I became friends with them. I talked to them daily. We talked about life, not just the web series. These people really wanted to get to know me, ME!

Time went on, and people grew closer and some grew farther apart. I realized early on who I could trust and who I could not. When new people came, I tried my best to be kind, because I knew how much it meant to me. Some accepted my kindness, some did not. As more time passed, drama crept up. Drama is caused when people get to close and there is a small event that causes huge flames.

During these flames, I remained friends with those I talked with daily. Those who I had reservations about proved I had made a great decision to not interact with them. I am so proud of the people I have met on there. I am only sorry they all live throughout the world. Thats another thing! I talk to people all over the world!!

I just want to thank all those who have been there for me. Who have listened to me. For getting to know the real me!!

Cloudy happiness (it is what we make of it)

When it rains

It pours.

When it shines

It is beautiful.

When its cloudy

It is dark.

When its cold

Its fun.

When its hot

Its hot.

Life is full of feelings.

Feelings of joy

Of sorrow

Of love

Of faith

Of truth

Of lies

Of sweet

Of sour

Of darkness.

We are given life.

It is the one thing we own forever.

Life.

In that life

We make choices

We make sacrifices

We make life.

Without life

We have nothing.

You can have nothing

But still have your life.

Never allow someone to take that away.

Things happen, that we cannot control.

But it is up to us to make a decision to carry on.

It is us who decide where our life will take us.

It is us who decide the path to take.

If you allow someone to choose your path,

You deserve to be lead into darkness.

You deserve the choices you make.

We are placed on this earth by our parents.

To choose the path that best fits you.

I am happy with my path.

I am happy with the stage that I stand on.

I am proud of what I have done.

And I cannot wait to see the next exit.

The life you think you have

(I am sick of people and their delusions. Is your life that messed up you need to have an imaginary one as well.)

You sit and read.

About lives you wish you had.

You sit and lie.

About a life you think you have.

You created this life for fear of rejection.

You created this life for yourself.

You life is yours.

It is the only think we truly own.

You life is what you make of it.

Not what you imagine of it.

You can sit and pretend.

But at the end of the day,

Your life is not true.

At the end of the day,

Your life is not you.

You build this bubble.

This bubble of lies.

You get so blinded by the lies,

You don't know the truth.

Life is yours to create.

But it is also yours to destroy.

The lies destroy the truth.

And within that truth...

Is the life others wants.

Within that truth

.

.

.

Is what your truly desire.

Grass is green no matter where you look.

So take a look at your grass

.

.

.

It is a lot greener than you think.

A life built on lies.

Is no life at all.

WHERE? (where were you?)

I sit here.

waiting.

wanting.

feeling.

Where were you when I called out to you?

Where were you when I tried?

Where were you when I reached out for you?

Where were you when I cried?

I needed something.

I needed someone.

I needed.

I wanted.

I craved.

But you were not there.

You did not hear my calls.

You did not feel my touch.

You did not try.

You sat there.

In your own little world.

While I cried out.

While I screamed out.

While I bled out.

.

.

.

You then came.

You then cried.

You then cared.

.

.

.

But it was too late.

The feeling I thought I missed (I thought it was gone, but it was so common, I didn't notice it. For that, I am sorry.)

You hear it in movies.

You read it in books.

You hear people talk about it.

But have you ever felt it?

That feeling inside.

The feeling that brings you alive.

I felt that feeling the first time he reached for my hand.

The first time I noticed his nervousness.

The first time we kissed.

I noticed the change in his behavior.

I noticed who he really was.

Inside.

And out.

Five years have passed.

We have been through so much.

Some of which I wish we hadn't.

Things I wish you would have never had to experience.

Through it all.

We have made it.

I took for granted all the sensations you made me feel over the years.

I forgot about those feelings.

I have never stopped loving you.

And I never will.

But.

For some reason.

Today.

All those feelings came rushing back.

I realized they never left.

I had just gotten use to them.

But.

I missed noticing them.

I am very thankful that you have given me these feelings from day one.

I cannot wait to grow old with you.

With these feelings.

With each other.

I am glad we had that chance meeting.

I am glad I got to spend those years with you.

I am glad I was there for you.

I am glad you were there for me.

I cannot say you complete me.

For I am complete within myself.

But I can say.

That I am glad to have you by my side.

Thank you.

YOU not you (life = yours, not theirs)

As time goes on.

I am thankful for what I have been given.

I am thankful for the life I have had.

Yes, there are things in my life that I do not like.

Some of those things are in my power to change.

Some of those things I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

I realize that people are two-faced no matter how well you know them.

People will always make a judgement on you whether they know you or not.

No one will ever know you the way you know yourself.

And you shouldn't let others influence what you think you are or can be.

You are the one in control over your own life.

You are the one who decides what happens next.

You.

Not them.

The Drain

It use to be a dream
Wanting and waiting for a change
But never was there any light
I always thought it would hurt
But it was more of a calming feeling
To know that it was almost done
To know that I finally had control over it
Control was all I wanted
Control was all I needed
Picking it up was a relief
Knowing it would be over soon
The first one was harder than the second
But I think I got the hang of it
The second one was like butter
Melting on a warm dinner roll
The water made it move fast
It made the pain minimal
To think “why did I wait so long?”
“Why didn’t I do this long ago?”
To think I could have ended this misery
Live a life without pain
Without regret
A life so plain, just gone down the drain

Crimson Rivers

Lif​​e is giv​​en to eve​​ryo​​ne

You​ hav​e cho​ice​s to mak​e no mat​ter​ wha​t

You​ hav​e var​iou​s pat​hs you​ can​ tak​e to get​ to whe​re you​ wan​t to be

But​ wha​t if a pat​h you​ wan​t to tak​e was​ a dea​d end​ and​ the​re was​ no way​ aro​und​ it

How​ wou​ld you​ fee​l if jus​t abo​ut eve​ryo​ne aro​und​ you​ was​ abl​e to tak​e thi​s pat​h

The​y wou​ld tak​e the​ pat​h whe​nev​er tha​t dam​n wel​l ple​ase​d

No nee​d to try​

The​y hav​e the​ sec​ret​ key​ to it all​

I get​ lif​e is not​ fai​r

But​ thi​s is so far​ fro​m bei​ng fai​r tha​t it sic​ken​s me

The knife is calling

Explanation

I am here to write my thoughts, my dreams and the occasional vents...
Also where a story I am writing on will me posted.