Fade to black.

I watched as it all slipped away.
Knowing it was happening.
But not wanting to reach out and catch it.
Was it something I knew was meant to be?
Or something I simply hoped would not be true?
Either way... here I lay.
Slipping into the black
The light fading from bright white
To darker and darker gray.
Giving in seems so simple.
Giving in seems like the right thing to do.
Giving up is all I know.
Giving up is all I fear.
The light fades away.
Crimson flowing into the darkness.
I'm sinking into the black.
Not wanting to see the light.
Let me slip away,
Ever so gently

Honesty is the cure.

Disclosure: this is a blog about life. Life being the most important part of, well, life. Living like there is no tomorrow. Doing what ur mind & heart say and not worrying about hurting those around you

There comes a time when you need to do what is right for you!
Take a step back, think with not only your mind but your heart.
What does your mind tell you to do?
What does your heart tell you to do?
Are they saying the same thing? Or are they pulling you in two.
Friendships are hard to maintain. Shit happens. People grow up. People remain immature. People grow apart.

There will always be cliques... but it is up to YOU to make a stand. Be your own person and not the shadow of those around you. Be impartial. Do not care if friend A does not like your friend B. Do not care is Team A does not like Team C. If YOU like friend B and Team C then why does it matter who friend A and Team A like?

I do not fully understand this. I do not get why people flip flop on their choices they have made in life. A choice should be made and you should stick to that choice. Like I stated, friendships are hard. Some need breaks and can come back SLOWLY to become somewhat like they were. Some need breaks and will never go back to "normal" but all parties are willing to try. That is the key though, ALL parties need to be willing. They need to understand that there will be set backs. They need to forgive, but never forget. But never forgetting does not mean letting it boil until it comes to a nasty head and makes things worse that it ever was before.

Honesty is the best policy. Allowing those around you to know the truth, whether it will hurt that other person or not. It is better to come out in the beginning than drag someone around with false hopes and promises. False promises in the long run will do more damage than being honest and ending it all for good.

I wish others had the strength to move on. To be honest with those around them, as well as themselves.

It breaks my heart to see friends torn in two. It breaks my heart knowing the ending and having no control over it. And until then, I will be friends with friend A and B, as well as Team A and Team C. And when this all ends, I will still be friends with them all. But the second I find out that I am being lied to, I will cut EVERYONE out without blinking an eye or shedding a tear. Because, in all honesty, my life and well being will always trump those who cannot be honest no matter what.

Girls: So Naive

Girls.

Why are you so gullible?

Why do you fall for their shit?

Do you honestly think he has changed?

Did you forget the last 5 years and all the shit he has done to you?

The fact he cheated on you for 2 of those years? Whether you think that is true or not.

The fact he has told you OVER and OVER that he does not want to have more kids, nor marry you!

You are so willing to let it all go for him.

Drop everything for him

Yet he has never dropped anything for you in the 5 FUCKING years you have known him.

He denied his own daughter.

I am sorry, but you are stupid for going back.

plain and simple.

The Dark Knight (Review by me)

I know there is a lot of hype over The Dark Knight movie.

About how it is Heath Ledger's last movie before his death.

How this Batman is darker than the previous movies.

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Well, I went and saw it today.

With the mindset that people were playing it up due to Heath Ledger's untimely death.

I loved the previous one, Christian Bale is a breath of fresh air in terms of Batman. Michael Keaton, before Bale, was the only person who pulled off Batman with style and perfection.

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After seeing this movie, The Dark Knight, I have a new favorite.

Heath Ledger stood up to all the hype.

His role in this movie was simply amazing.

Jack Nicholson was a phenomenal Joker, there is no doubt in that.

But Ledger, wow. What he did with this character I have never seen.

The dedication, the precision, the mannerisms. Everything about the character that he played was so amazing I cannot think of a word to describe it.

I think back on the whole movie and I am just completely speechless.

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Some may feel that Heath Ledger's performance was only glorified when he passed away so suddenly.

Some feel he deserved an Oscar even before his death.

To those who do not feel he should receive or be nominated for any awards, to you I say this:

Go and see the movie as if it was just some movie.

Compare Heath Ledger's role as the Joker to that of Jack Nicholson and to Cesar Romero.

And after you have done that, make a decision.

Never has someone played a role so well, in my opinion, as Heath Ledger as the Joker.

Odd Hours by Dean Koontz quote

taken from Odd Hours By Dean Koontz (fourth book in the Odd Thomas Series) page 219 paragraph 1.

"Grief can destroy you--or focus you. You can decided a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. Or you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it. But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing the floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. It was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it. The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by the gratitude for what proceeded the loss. And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life."

I d0n't need you to complete me

Quote from Will & Grace:

When I am feeling like theres no love coming to me
And I have no love to give.
When Im feeling separated from the world...
And cut off from myself...
When Im feeling annoyed by every little thing...

Because Im not getting what I want..

I'll remember that there is an infinite amount of love available to me.
And I'll see it in you.
I'll remember thar I am complete within myself...
So I'll never have to look at you to complete me
And most of all, I'll remember that everything I really need I already have and whetever I don't have will come to me when I am ready to receive it

Undesired heartache.

Everytime I think I am getting use to it, something smacks me in the face and knocks me back to reality. Knocks me back to the depression, back into myself. Back into myself when I fought so hard to get out. People rely on friends, family and some even rely on their God. What do you rely on when you feel alone. When you know you are not alone, but you feel like you are alone. When you do not believe in God. For the God you grew up learning about would never cause so much pain inside someone. Cause so many tears for someone. Cause someones heart to break so often.

I do not speak of losing a boyfirend. I am not talking about a fight with a friend. I talk about what your God has put women on this Earth to do; have children. How can your God cause someone who dedicates their entire life to helping children to not be able to have children? How can your God make that choice. It is not his choice to make, it is mine. I will never believe in your God, you can have him. I do not look at you differently for following or believing in your God, but he is not my God.

My heart breaks more and more. I cannot seem to shake the feeling. To shake the feeling of a complete failure. Yes, there is adoption and other ways, but we cannot just decide to try and have a child. Time and money must be expended. Expended to a cause that is not for sure. Expended to hopes and dreams. While we sit and wait, others don't even try and get the wonders of a child. Unwed women become pregnant when they don't even want them. Teens have children not wanting them. Adults have children not wanting them. How could you not want something so precious, something that is nothing but a gift.

To know their are kids who are not wanted, who are raised in a family who does not want them breaks my heart even more. How could they have the children I want so bad. How is that fare? I get life is not fare, but this is unbearable. I don't know what to do, my chest hurts, my body aches, and my eyes swell shut with tears.

Why?